I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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