I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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