better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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