but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
