I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
