My friends, they love my intelligence
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
