Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize