someone get that fucking seahorse.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
