I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
