I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
