Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
