my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
