Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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