I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize