so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize