You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
