Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
