dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize