to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
