Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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