do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
