so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
