Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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