I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
