I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
