The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
