I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
