lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
do herpes really smell.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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