I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
