it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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