Is it normal to miss your booty call?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
