My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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