rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
