he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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