yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Don't make out with my wife yet
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
