Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
