in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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