i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I love you.
Bad choice
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
