My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
