Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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