i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
