you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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