worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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