I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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