So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
