his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
