Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
