i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
