Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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