I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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