I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
