i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
