Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My vagina is officially offended.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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