Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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