1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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