dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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