I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
