so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
