forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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