what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
