watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
