but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize