Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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