She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
A bitchslap is in order.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize