I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
