Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize