I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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