Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I love having hate sex.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
