which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize