By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
