Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
