Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
