just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
