i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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