life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
