Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
