I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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