I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
