so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
