What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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