She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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