He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
