And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will pee on everything he values.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
