Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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