forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
