wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
