haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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