...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
