I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
