So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
