i love accidental penises.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
