What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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