hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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