i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
