Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
