so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Drunk is a universal language darling
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize