So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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