the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
