Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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