You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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