Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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