Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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