Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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